'orrible yet optimistic .

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I don't mind if you despise this blog,yes it's great if you enjoy it, but rather selfishly, it's for me.It's oddly comforting knowing that my little opinion is floating around in cybersapce and will always be here.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Solitude is Bliss.

Not only is it a great name of a great song by the impeccable Tame Impala ,it is also the truth. Today more than ever I have craved time alone, my own space, my own home. I felt really rough this morning , probably due to sleep deprivation. Since I've stopped sucking my thumb ( about 2 weeks ago) I've been finding it really hard to A; get to sleep and B; stay asleep. I've never been a light sleeper but I guess without my thumb, and my main comfort I'm destined for a life of light slumber.

Anyway this morning I woke at the terrible time of 12pm , having taken the day off school , resulting in me probably missing about two lessons, I felt as if I had to do something productive and be a bit proactive just to avoid feeling like the worlds biggest failure. So I got up, tidied my room, did my coursework, set the dishwasher, set the clothes dryer etc.Even doing this post now is preventing me from feeling like the demotivated lounge lizard I've become. I like the feeling of being able to do things for myself.

I wouldn't say my dad is controlling but he likes things to be done correctly and in his eyes that means that he must do everything. It was weird though, when he came back from tennis, the oven was on (cooking some delectable sausages) and the dryer was spinning pretty loudly , I felt a sense of fear, I was honestly worried that he would find out I had put the dryer and the oven on. Which is completely ridiculous as I'm nearly an adult, but my dad has his way of doing things and I must be scared of disrupting his routine. Being the curious cat that he is, he noticed immediately "who's cooking" and "who's washing" have almost become his catchphrases. I hope one day we'll be able to do things for him, without him rigorously assessing everything we do, he may even let us cook the Christmas dinner one year, if he's feeling really wild, I doubt it though.

I just can't wait to be self sufficient, without having to look over my shoulder every 5 minutes to see whether my dad approves of what I'm doing. I'm saying this now but I guarantee once I go to University, or get my own place I'll be moaning within a week that the workload is too much. I have so many desires to just break free from the mundaity of everyday life. I have visions of myself doing completely uncouth things such as peeling all the labels of the tins in my cupboards just so I don't know what I'm getting every time, I'm sure I'll grow annoyed of going to make beans on toast and ending up with prunes on toast! Seriously though, I feel as if I need a shocking scenery change, some kind of change. I'd love to be able to relocate every month of my life, see what everywhere has to offer, be it a different town or a different country. I think we've all been sucked into societies view of practicality over pleasure I hear the words " it's not practical" far too often. This is just the hippie in me taking over, soon sense will seep in and my dreams will be dulled down by this depressing pace of life we're all to comfortable with.

If all goes to plan I'll be driving by the time I'm 18 (in a few weeks )and University is around the corner, hopefully they will both open a few more doors in which I can wander in and explore.

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